A Long Way to Strawberry Field..

I should keep writing about things i did in Jogjakarta. You know,  i'm not the one who like to write randomly, if we're talking about date-not category. I choose to write with first in- first out method. I know, sometimes the post is written far away from the real date due to my hectic activity but its okay, as long as its on the right order. But this one, is an exception, like you.

I wanna tell you about my blog history. 

July 28th 2007 is the first time i write here. Before this, i used to have a diary and write there almost everyday. My hand writing is a mess, so.. blog is like a new-easier-yet cooler diary for me. Of course i had to sensor some, but its okay for me. I know.. i know that lately, culinary stuff is happening in my blog, its not only because i go out a lot but also because i was afraid to write about my feeling. Like somehow, feeling is something i gotta keep on my own and shared to the certain people. But now i understand, when we cant share directly to the person we wanted, writing in some media like this is a way of hope. Maybe by accident that person will read and our message delivered. A bit pathetic? Maybe. Ok, at first, my blog had no name. Either i was too lazy, or its simply because i didn't find the perfect name. And my first post talked about..introduction and you.

I wanna tell you about our history.

June 25th 2007 is the first time i met him. Those brown eyes, white t-shirt. Fifteen minutes is all it takes to make me fall in love with him. From that moment everything about him, addicted me. We've been close, we've argued, and we've been far. In July 2009, we met again. Those brown eyes, dobok. Two years had past, but my heart felt the same. This time, love blind us both, and we're officially together since September 4th 2009. Like my dream come true, everything is warm and lovely. He's good to me, and i love him so. We've been through many things..good things, bad things. We shared smile, tears, laughter, anger, but most of all we shared love. 

And finally i had a perfect name for this blog. At first is a " Strawberry field " , later i rename it become " A Long Way to Strawberry Field". Its from The Beatles song. Strawberry field is our Plan A, our biggest dream, our destination. We've planned everything, from when we get married, how many children we want to have, what kind of house we'd like to build , to the smallest like what will we do next week. This blog like my journey record.  From i fell in love, i met him again, we became a couple, things we did, but never..never i imagine i would write about this..we broke up.

999 days of journey.

I plan to make a handmade greeting for our 1000 days together, but its not happening. We've done what we could, but we cant be together anymore. I love him, i do. And he loves me too. But things are out of our control. We're separated. We both keep questioning 'why?' and 'why' but in the end..we're just end up crying together. This kill us both. It been six days but i still cry my self to sleep. Im afraid of being alone. Im afraid of night. Im afraid to hear songs. I see his face everywhere, i see our memories on every stuff. This is a hard time for both of us. I know that he do and felt the exact way like i do. Really, this is the hardest goodbye i ever imagine.

So now, i don't know that to name this blog, like i don't know where my life headed. I don't wanna delete every posting about us, because what use? I can erase that from this blog, what about in me? I cant. I dont want to. Even i still want to write this days we've been through that not yet posted. In this moment, i will just name it my name. Ah, its only me. And im freezing here.

I have to believe that God wont let this happen without a reason. I have to. In the end all i can do is praying for both of us to strong enough to go on alone, to let go and have no regret, to accept things we cant change, to forget what hurts us and to believe that God will show us the way if have to be together again.

Nobody said it  was easy.. Its such a same for us to apart.. Nobody said it was easy.. No one ever said  it would be this hard.. Oh, take me back to the start..

(Cold play -  The Scientist )

I leave him to you God, to nature, to friends of him. No matter how much i want him back, no matter how bad i miss him, no matter how hard this aching me, i just cant. I cant be there to hold him whenever he needs anymore. I cant be there to lighten up his days, i cant be. Thus, i need your help. I do. Please take care of him while i cant. I beg you. 

Thank you, for endless care you friends show me. Thank you for be there while i cry, thank you for understanding while i cant normally function as a human being. Thank you for listening-reading, and wishing the best for us.

And you, Yon.

Thank you or every small things u give me. I never been happier before i met you. Thank you for the patience, care, warmth, love u give me. I'm so sorry it have to end like this. I do. If only i knew how to made this right again. God.. :'(

I hope you life treats you kind.. 

And I hope you have all you've dreamed of..

And I wish you joy and happiness..

But above all this..

I wish you love..

And I will always love you.

Now its time for me to say goodbye to the bittersweet memory, to you, to strawberry field, to all the hope and dream. If we were meant for each other, i believe we will find a way.

Wish us the best, will you?

Thank you. :'(